


Stolen Innocence

by jazz_is_mine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I Don't Even Know, I promise, I'm Sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, a lot of angst though, and maybe some smut, fluff will happen though, it's gonna be so sad in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-26 18:38:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazz_is_mine/pseuds/jazz_is_mine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rape is what happened to Zayn Malik two days before tour started. He learns to deal, slowly but surely with the help of Liam. But Zayn isn't sure if he actually develops feelings for Liam or if he just admires Liam for staying strong for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Had Happened Was...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missing_Intestines_18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missing_Intestines_18/gifts).



> First rape victim story. I've read stouter about them and I've meet a rape victim. I'd like to dedicate this to missing_intestines_18 for Normality being the last story I read to give me enough courage to write this.  
> Rape is a growing issue and it needs to be addressed accordingly. I hope this story gives you enough insight as to what one may go through after such a traumatic experience.

Zayn woke up with his shirt stuck to his chest damp with sweat and his hair clung to his forehead and the back of his neck. He glanced around the semi dark room that was partially shrouded in moonlight from the window with curtains pulled all the way back. On normal days of being on tour, waking up in an unidentifiable room wouldn't scare him, but these days, waking up to the same hauntingly real nightmare created an aching in the pit of his stomach to wake up in his own bed.

He pulled the covers back, and placed his feet firmly on the ground. Last time he tried to get up from his reoccurring nightmare  he nearly toppled over from his legs feeling weak like jelly. This time he is sharing a room with Liam, and the last thing he wants to do is tell him what he's up to. He makes it to the bathroom shutting the door softly and leaning heavily on the sink. 

He looks like hell. He has deep bags under his eyes, faint scratches on his right cheek and his lips are chapped. He peels off the shirt and throws it to the ground. No one has seen him without a shirt for the past few days, but if you saw, you would know why. He has cuts and bruises and scrapes all on his front, but mainly on the right side of his body. He lightly runs his fingertips over the skin and slightly winced, but he doesn't stop. Zayn screws his eyes shut as he peels off the bandage on his lower back, close to his hip. Underneath is a gash the length and width of his pinky. It's pink and white and red all at once and it shines in the light. Whenever he twists a certain way, it starts to bleed again so Zayn has to be careful when he is around the boys.

All in all, Zayn Malik is in pain, and has been for two days. None of it though, hurts as much as the memories that accompany the physical marks. Nothing hurts as much as reliving what happened three days ago, and as Zayn sets up a bath and puts on a waterproof band-aid, he feels the memory form around him and cloud his vision as he sits in the bathtub.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:three days earlier.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

"Are you sure you don't want us to come home with you," Harry asks drunkenly throwing an arm around his shoulder.

" 'S alright mate, I'm literally five blocks away from my house, and I'm not that wasted," Zayn said slipping out of Harry's hold on him. The thing was Zayn was far from wasted, he had two shots of tequila and was only half way through his vodka and coke before he decided that he was bored with the party. He was only the slightest bit tipsy, but he wasn't falling over himself so he knew that he could walk the short five blocks home.

"Okay, but text Lili when you get home, my phone died and I'm just gonna stick with him," Harry said as Zayn tried to walk away.

"Whatever you say Captain Curly," Zayn said walking towards Liam. When he reached Liam who was dancing on the floor with some nameless random girl, he just put his hand on his back and looked him dead in the eye. Liam nodded waved his phone in the air and Zayn smiled and walked away. That was the thing with Liam, he never really had to speak words with him and the same went for Harry, but when Harry got shitfaced, that went down the drain.

Zayn walked out of the crowded loft and into the elevator. The tired-looking watchman smiled at him, and he smiled back and pushed open the lobby door to the outside world. It was nearly about to be midnight but the streets of London were alive and teeming with people. Girls wore short skirts and leggings and tank tops and crop tops. They wore dresses with high heels and purses with spikes. The men that accompanied them wore leather jackets, tank tops, jeans and Nike's. They wore shorts and snapbacks and RayBans, even though there was no sun. Zayn loved Friday nights, walking out at this time being his age. He blended in well, not many people realized it was him and if they did, only a few asked for pictures.

He text Perrie a good night text, asking if they could hang out in the morning. As he crossed a loud pub, there was an alley next to it it with a few stragglers that took drags of cigarettes, the ends glowing the dark. He stopped there and pulled out his own pack slipping the cigarette in his mouth and taking a long drag as he lit it up. The three people that were originally there, went back into the public and Zayn ventured deeper into the alley. He'd stopped in it only a few times to have a smoke and knew that under some back stairs there were some grates that were for the most part clean. He sat at the edge of one grate, his head ducked as he continued to smoke his cig.

You know that feeling when something bad is going to happen? Zayn wishes his was a lot better than it was. He saw the man walk back to were he was but didn't say anything. He'd met many people in allies like this having a cig and started conversations with them. When the stranger moved closer, Zayn shuffled in place and dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground, and ground it into the wet concrete floor with toe of his shoe. Zayn went to walk past the man but just as he got in front of him, the man grabbed his arm pulled him deeper into the alley and shoved him against the opposite wall.

Zayn wished the alley walls weren't so close, maybe the impact of his chest hitting the wall wouldn't hurt as bad but life was punishing him for only God knows what right now. The man was taller than Zayn by a few inches and was a lot wider set than him so he knew fighting back was going to be tricky, but not impossible. He twisted Zayn's arm and pressed into his back that made Zayn groan.

"Please, whatever you want, I can give it to you, just let me go," Zayn said feeling his cheek scratch on the wall.

"Hmm, there is some thing I do want," the man said low into Zayn's ear, before spinning he around. "The only question is, can you give it to me."

The man that held Zayn helpless against the wall wasn't- for the most part- bad looking. He was a dirty blonde with a beanie pulled tight over his hair. He was also really built, Zayn guessed he went to the gym nearly every week. What Zayn couldn't stop staring at as the man's eyes. They were two different colours; his left eye striking ice blue and his right, a light pastel green. The man leaned into Zayn with his whole body and could feel against his thigh, this strange man's erection. Zayn turned his head and the man wrapped his long fingers around Zayn's neck and the man pinned his arm the wall and Zayn was helpless. No matter how much struggling Zayn tried, it wasn't enough. 

"You're incredulously hot, you know that, Malik," the man sneered into Zayn's ear; he groaned again. "the only thing that I've wanted from you since you showed up on X-Factor is that body of yours and now that I've got you where I want you-" he ripped open the front of Zayn's bottom up shirt and shoved him down to the ground front first. "I'm going to take it."

Zayn tried to kick up and back but all he hit was air. "You're going to try and hurt me, you little bitch?" the man shoved him back down by stepping on Zayn's lower back and digging his heel into the place. "Why fight something that you're going to love?" The man dropped his pants and got on his knees and lined up with Zayn's entrance.

This was it, Zayn thought with tears streaming across his dirt streaked face. This is how I will lose this type of virginity, this sense of purity, of innocence.

It hurt. It was the best word Zayn could think of when the man slammed into him and held still for a second. Hurt; such a simple word, yet could hold so much meaning. The man would claw and dig with his thumb in the very same place where the man's foot had been scraping at his skin earlier and Zayn hurt. That hurt quickly morphed into numbness, and a state of mind where he felt like he was floating and watching over the scene instead of being a part of it. His eyes unfocused and he took it. There was nothing he could fight for, because it was already happening. 

Who'd have known that one of most awful things to do in society nowadays would be happening to him? How is he supposed to live now? He's never met a rape victim- or at least no one has ever told him. The time slipped by him and his thinking because he could feel the man release his load into Zayn, hold still for a second or two and then pull out. The man stood and lifted up Zayn too and zipped up his pants for him. As Zayn watched his hands- he couldn't look the man in eye anymore- he noticed a hawk tattoo a Superman tattoo and written with a Sharpie a heart with the initials ZJM on the inside. 

"I told you you would like it," the man said shoving Zayn out of the alley. The sidewalks were a bit more empty now, and Zayn felt his hood being pulled up and over his head. "Now, go home. And if you tell anyone, well... Let's just say I know how to get to you."

The man disappeared back into the alley and Zayn could faintly hear shoes squeak against the stairs there before he began his very numb walk home.

He opened up the door to his apartment, and kicked off his shoes, and headed to the bathroom. He took his jacket and his jumper off dropping it on the floor and turned on the shower head. He peeped of his shirt, extra careful of the gash on his lower back and and then took off his pants and boxer briefs and climbed into the warm, steamy shower. 

He stood there for what seemed like ages. He didn't attempt to wash himself, to touch himself, he just curled up into a tight ball and he cried. And cried. And cried. Until finally he couldn't cry anymore. Then he lazily cleaned himself up and got out the shower. 

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Zayn's been numb ever since. His laughs aren't full of life, he aches when he moves a certain way and he often has to take time out of his day to hide somewhere and cry. It's been three days since the incident and Zayn's relived it every time he goes to sleep. They just started tour and Zayn can't think right. He's a zombie for most of the day if someone is not directly talking to him. The only time he feels alive is when he's on stage and even then, it's like turning an on and off switch. Perrie has called him a few times but the conversations are short thanks to being so busy on both of their parts. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, he doesn't want to go anywhere. He wants to sing his lungs out and then go and cry and forget. 

The mirrors get all foggy and Zayn watches the steam swirl around in the bathroom. He lightly splashes the water around as a few tears escape his eyes. He lowers his body into the water until his whole head is under the water. He just wants to disappear. That's all he wants right now. The air escapes his lips in bubbles and his lungs ache for air but he's so close. So so close the floating away and leaving his memories behind. There's a faint sound that goes on in the outside world and then Zayn is yank out of the bathtub, and he is gasping for air. Someone wraps a towel around him and sits him on the toilet.

"Are you fucking crazy," Liam says grabbing another towel and draping it around Zayn's head. 

Zayn doesn't answer, he just stares at Liam who is now drying off Zayn and taking note of his injuries. Liam glazes back at Zayn eyes before lightly running his fingertips over Zayn's body. The touch is so light it feels like feathers. 

"When was this," Liam mumbles as his fingers graze over the purple bruises around Zayn's neck. Zayn flinches, more out of fear than pain and Liam instead studies the slight cuts on Zayn's face. "What happened?"

"I got in a fight," Zayn lied. Liam looked him dead in the eye. 

"The truth Zayn. You never lie to me, remember when you told me that?"

Zayn does. It was about the time when they were in the X-Factor and Zayn said it one night when Liam wasn't feeling right in the world. Now Zayn isn't feeling right in the universe and Liam is there to try and help anchor him back down to earth to the very hotel they are at. Not Harry, not Louis, not Niall- not even Perrie or his mom. 

"Remember when we went to that party on Saturday? And I walked home early?"

Liam sat on the floor and nodded. He's partially wet from pulling Zayn out of the water and for second Zayn sees the Liam with short wavy hair that made his brown eyes so chocolatey and big Zayn thought they were most beautiful brown eyes he'd ever seen. 

"Well..."


	2. Sell Love To Another Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Liam and Zayn have to learn to deal with what Zayn's feeling and the ghost of the memories that seem to haunt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took a lot longer than necessary. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry this is so short. The next one will but up soon promise. :*

Zayn doesn't ever say what exactly happened to him- that is, not in detail at least. It's enough to see the memories every time he closes his eyes, to say them out loud just makes it that more real. Liam watches him, watches they way his eyes glaze over, the way he twitches. He can feel Zayn's pain without even knowing how traumatizing it is- Liam has a feeling he doesn't really want to know. When Zayn is done, Liam doesn't ask questions, just helps Zayn up off of the toilet and into the room where he handed Zayn a clean pair of sweats and a tank top and changes out of his own wet clothes into some basketball shorts and nothing more.

Zayn gets into his bed but he doesn't sleep right away. "Liam..."

"Yeah," Liam answers from his bed.

'Can you sing a song?"

Liam turns so that he's facing Zayn's bed. Zayn isn't facing Liam but the wall and Liam does a slight smile. "Sure. Give Me Love like her, 'cause lately I've been waking up alone. Pain splattered teardrops on my shirt- told you I'd let them go."

Zayn turns around to face Liam. He doesn't watch Liam, just keeps his eyes closed as he continues to sing. "And that I'll fight my corner, maybe tonight I'll call ya after my blood is drowning in alcohol. Mmm, no I just wanna hold ya."

Zayn's eyes droop to a close and Liam continues to sing the song, staring at Zayn's face as he does. he studies the soft luscious curve of his lips, the way his hair swoops around his face and against the pillow, the way his long dark eyelashes so lovingly graze his creeks. The more Liam sings, the more Zayn's face softens into sleep and Liam watches the whole if it, mesmerised. when Liam finishes singing the song, Zayn is gone, the small bedside lamp casting light on his his now fully relaxed features. Liam continues to look at him, not bothering to get up, but is still not satisfied with the distance that is in between them. He reaches for his phone and headphones on the night table, turns off the lamp and plugs in his headphones, falling asleep to Amy Winehouse.

_"He walks away,_  
 _The sun goes down,_  
 _He takes the day but I'm grown,_  
 _And in your way, in this blue shade,_  
 _My tears dry on their own..."_

.o.o.o.o.

The sun streams in through the window that Liam forgot to close last night, casting a  harsh bright light onto the backs of  Zayn's eyelids. He moves in his bed, pulling the covers up and over his face, a soft moan escaping his lips as the sun sun moves, indicating that time is passing. Zayn has no idea what time it is anymore (not since that fateful night a few days ago). After lying in bed for what feels like eternity, the pressure on his bladder is too much- he needs to pee. Begrudgingly pulling back his warm covers, he makes his way as silently as possible to the bathroom once more. Close to the bathroom a floorboard underneath the carpet groans under his weight and he cursing silently to himself.

"Mmm... Zayn?"

Zayn turns to see Liam sitting up rubbing his eyes in a sleepy manner. "Uh, yeah?"

"Where are you going?" Liam continues to crawl out of bed. With so much natural light coming in, Zayn admires his ambitions to just get up and go, with no ghosts to haunt his mind.

"Just to the toilet, is all," Zayn replies opening the door.

"Don't take to long, alright?  Don't want to have to check up on you- again," Liam adds and Zayn knows that it's a warning. He nods and shuts the door.

Liam sighs and goes on to get clothes to wear for today. He gets a text from Louis- his requested ringtone of Pink Elephants on Parade from Dumbo filling the room with sound- and recovers his phone from the sheets. 

_Interview at 12; gotta be back here by 5. Head over to the arena at 5:30. Get your Boo Boo and meet us on this floors foyer and we'll all go to breakfast at the cafe I pointed out- Louxx_

Liam smirks as he replies.  _He's not my 'Boo Boo' as you call him. and we'll be there soon.-Leeyum_

He gets a reply almost instantly. _You wish he were though. :p -Louxx_

Zayn walks out and Liam smiles walking over to him, tentatively placing a hand on his chin, forcing Zayn to look at him. "I know that you're worried about the things that you're feeling, and you know what? That is okay. What happened to you is traumatic, bit I don't want you to worry, because I'm going to help you get through it, alright?"

Zayn looked at Liam's eyes and then looked away. "Alright."

"Alright," Liam says stepping back. Zayn walks to his bag as Liam slips on his shirts. "Oh get dressed quick, we're all going out for breakfast."

"Okay," Zayn responds halfheartedly, rifling through his bag. Liam shut the door as he went in the bathroom and Zayn turns to his bag, taking his shirt off with care, and putting on a charcoal grey shirt instead. Zayn also trades in his sweats for a pair of jeans and as he's looking through Liam's bag for a jacket, Liam emerges from the bathroom with a towel hanging around his neck and a clean pair of boxers on, his old one's in his hands. Zayn looks away for once, and moves to the side.

"What are you looking for?"

"Uh, just that tan cardigan," Zayn mumbles still adverting his eyes. He can feel a slight blush creep up on his face as Liam comes closer and looks in the bag.

'Hmm, I think Niall must've taken it," Liam says, forcing Zayn took look at him. Luckily, Liam is zipping up his jeans and Zayn lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding.

"Oh, alright," Zayn shrugs as he pulls on his shoes. "I'll just go and get it right now."

Zayn doesn't give Liam the time to answer as he shuts the door to their room and sighs heavily. He waits- just for a beat or two- before heading over to Niall's room. Sometimes Zayn get's a bit jealous of Niall when it comes to the rooming situations but now, as he knocks on his door, Zayn's really wishes he could switch with Niall for the tour and get most of the single rooms (not that it makes a difference, Niall's room connects to Louis and Harry's room) for the whole tour. Maybe he'll ask about it later.

Niall answers the door, cheery morning voice and everything, a pair of blue plaid pajama bottoms tied around his waist. "Oh, g' morning Zayn!" Niall leaves the door open for Zayn to come in and he hesitantly follows. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you had Liam's tan cardigan," Zayn said with a quick glance around the room. As usual the room is a bit messy, crumpled crisp bags and empty bottles of soda are on the table and a guitar and notebook are on the bed. A ukulele is on the couch along with a laptop and the tellie is on the news channel. "You're starting to become Louis."

"Hey, my rooms not that messy," Niall says pulling the tan cardigan out of his suitcase. He walks over to the door that conjoins his and the other two's rooms together. "Look at this."

Zayn walks over and Niall opens the door. He's right. The half closest to the door is atrocious. Louis' bag has been emptied and all of his clothes are on the floor, his bed is a mess with two notebooks, his DS, books and papers all on it and his laptop is there as well as his phone- Zayn doesn't know how he can sleep with all that stuff on his bed and he never moves any of it (he likes to think it takes the space of someone in Louis' bed when he's not sharing with anyone) and the boys have stopped asking him to at least _try_ and pick up after himself. Harry's side of the room on the other hand was like as if the maid had just come in and cleaned it. Zayn could hear Louis singing in the shower along to music from a radio and he looks over at Harry who is perched on the window seat and looking down at his laptop when the door is opened but when he and Zayn make eye contact Harry gives one of his always welcoming warm dimpled smiles.

"Hi," He greats and Zayn gives a slight smile before feeling a warm had on his back. He knows that Niall places it there as a kind gesture, a gesture they all do show their affection and care for one another but Zayn mind want to go into hyper drive at that moment and he can feel the phantom feeling the cold damp floor scrap against his cheek- can feel his tears streak his face and and a dull numbing pain in his backside as a hot warm breath huffs in his ear. He moves away from Niall (he's not quite sure if he mumbled the thanks or not because there is the whooshing sound in he's ears as he moves towards the door) and faintly remembers slamming the door with with a little more force than necessary.

He tries walking to his and Liam's room-he _does_ \- but his legs feel so _heavy_ and he cannot find the means to _breathe right_ and before he knows it he's being pulled by someone and his mind goes into hyper drive. He can faintly here his name being said over and over to him- the whooshing sound from earlier is now so deafening he sure that his eardrums are going to burst. He throat hurts and he realises that he's screaming and groaning into the body engulfing him. All he can see past the tears in his eyes is that dirty, grimy, wet, cold floor and the pain in his backside and in his chest.

The world is spinning and he is falling down, down, down

into a world of unknowing and darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry did I leave you hanging? ;)


	3. A Professional Worrier, Not Wrestler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam Payne is a Professional Worrier, and is pretty sure he holds the belt.

Liam Payne is a Professional Worrier, and is pretty sure he holds the belt.

He'd always been like that- he worried about his grades, his performances, interviews, his mum, his sister and currently, the boys. Right now his top priority was Zayn, and as he paced the floors of the waiting room of the hospital, Zayn was all he could think of.  _Zayn_ , _Zayn_ , _Zayn_ , the mantra in his mind was saying. He'd bite away at his fingernails and when the finger he was biting on started to bleed, he'd suck on the blood, go to the sink in the corner of the room, rinse his shaky hands, stick a new finger in his mouth and would return to his pacing.

Niall and Harry would urge him to sit- requests that he ignored every time- while Louis just sat curled up in a chair, watching him be a ball of nerves and tension and worry. Louis wouldn't say a thing, not since Harry explained what had happened ("Liam says he fainted right in his arms in the doorway of their room." "Anything else?" "That's all he told us.") with a distraught Liam crawling into the ambulance with a member of security. All Louis would do is stand back and watch Liam unravel.

When they arrived at the hospital, Liam wasn't in the waiting room. A doctor walked him in and told him to wait there, and Louis had never seen Liam get so... that's the thing, Louis doesn't know how describe Liam right now. He's a mix of mainly worry and nerves, but red hot anger will flare up on his face sometimes, and sometimes great sadness. Liam knows that Louis is the only one reading him- he was always the one who read him like a book except Zayn. 

"Li," Louis called softly and Liam glanced at him to know that he had a bit of his attention. "Is there anything that-"

"A Liam Payne for a Zain Javaad Malik," a male nurse called from the entry way.

Liam stopped and looked at the nurse. "That's me, right here."

"Come with me please, the doctor would like to speak with you," the nurse said leading Liam out of the waiting room.

Harry moves and sits on Louis lap, curling up with Louis in the chair. "What were you gonna ask him, Lou," Harry asks as Louis absentmindedly runs his hands through Harry's curls.

"Oh, it's nothing," Louis lied as he gave Harry a smile. Harry smiled at him too before planting a chaste kiss on Louis lips. 

"Ew, I thought I said no cute shit when I'm by myself," Niall said from the sofa next to them.

Louis held up two fingers at him and gave Harry another kiss.

%%%%%%%%%

The nurse led Liam to the outside of a hospital room door where he could see Zayn laying, a simple IV and heart monitor set up for him. His eyes were closed and Liam didn't know if he was asleep or awake.

The doctor, an Indian looking woman was long dark hair waited outside the door and gave him a kind smile. "Liam Payne, right? From One Direction."

"Yeah, that's me," Liam nervously chuckled, taking the doctors extended hand. 

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Rasheed. I was going over the papers of what you told the ambulance, and Mr. Malik will be fine. He has no sexually transmitted diseases, the bruising and gash on his back are fine, he still has a bit of a fever right now running at thirty-nine Celsius. He passed out due to fatigue and dehydration. When was the last time he slept and ate or drank?"

"Um, last night he must have slept for about four hours and I can't remember the last time he had anything except for a sip of my water bottle on the plane around eighteen hours ago. He's also anemic," Liam said scratching his neck.

"Okay, well the IV should get him a bit of hydration and life back into him. Considering the story you told the paramedics, I'm prescribing him two things: anti-depressants, just to ease his feelings a bit, and a low dosage of iron pills. other things you can give him are Gatorade or Pedialite, ice chips, small amount of water with a straw so he can sip it, and keep him cool for his dehydration. Also make sure he eats food, but that it doesn't have a lot of salt," Dr. Rasheed instructed and Liam nodded along. She smiled and gave him the prescription note. "if there are any problems, like his fever continues for more than twenty four hours, than bring him back to the hospital."

"Is he gonna be fit enough to perform tonight?"

"Hm... I believe he'll be fine, although, I highly suggest that he stay seated and away from any harsh lights, since they make you hot." she added folding her arms with her clipboard. "Any other questions?"

"No," Liam said giving a slight smile of relief. "Thank you."

"Don't worry dear, he'll be fine," She said rubbing his shoulder soothingly. Turned and over her shoulder called, "he's awake if you'd like to see him now."

Liam didn't need to be told twice. He turned into the door and shut it behind him. Zayn opened his eyes and Liam let out a breath of relief. He didn't look at Liam and Liam kept his head hung low as he approached the bed. 

"You told," Zayn said, his voice scratchy and hoarse.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I  didn't know what to do, you were screaming and groaning of pain in my arms right before you passed out, and I was so scared. You scared me half to death, I almost bloody well cried in the ambulance trying to explain everything to the medics," Liam explained, nervously rubbing his sweaty palms on the bed sheet of Zayn's bed. Zayn put a hand over Liam's to stop him.

"It's fine. Maybe it's for the best that at least a doctor knows," Zayn reassured him.

Liam tell Zayn that the rest of the boys are in the waiting room and Zayn is able to get hold of a nurse who can go get the rest of the boys. He never lets go of Liam's hand and Liam doesn't complain, lightly letting his thumb swipe across Zayn's smooth skin and long fingers. The boys come in and Liam moves to put his hands down, but Zayn has a firm hold on him, so Liam just smiles as he continues to hold his hand. Louis notices this as he sits in Harry's lap while Harry scolds Zayn for his poor up keep of his body and winks at Liam who just blushes and rest his head on the bed.

Two more hours at the hospital on top of the three that were filled of anxious Liam, and Zayn is able to leave with the rest of them. He changes into his clothes and when he emerges, Liam throws an arm over Zayn's shoulders. They walk out after picking up Zayn's prescriptions, having missed the interview but hyped up for the show. 

It's as they sit in the car side by side holding hands, that Liam admits to himself that, yeah, he fucking loves Zayn. He's not quite sure what to do with that information as he watches Zayn laugh at something Niall had done in the waiting room. Because Zayn was raped. Something like that scars people for a long, long time. It effects their work, their future relationships- their whole life.

Who's to say that Zayn will even reciprocate those feelings back? For all Liam knows, Zayn is straight- he even has the beautiful Perrie Edwards as a fiancee to prove it. And Liam loves her, he does- she's a great girl, they get along great and she makes Zayn so happy, it's unbelievable. Liam can definitely see the appeal. 

But fuck, if seeing Zayn smile doesn't light up his whole fucking Goddamn world, then he might as well sign up to go to an insane asylum. Liam pushes the feeling down- pushes it down just like he has so many times before. He squeezes Zayn's hand before letting go and Zayn gives him this sort of broken look that clutches Liam's heart in a grip of needles.

He placates Zayn with opting instead to keep his hand casually on Zayn thigh, just above his knee, and sits back looking out the window. He can't wait to just be on stage tonight so he can not feel anything but those lights, and those screams, and having fun with his friends, not feeling confusing feelings cramped up next to the boy he loves in a black SUV as they drive the forty minutes to the arena in heavy London traffic. 

~

"I hope you all had a great time tonight," Harry shouted into the microphone. The Arena went insane he waved and Niall gave air kisses to the crowd.

They were all sitting like the doctor said, having a couch for each one of them except Liam and Zayn who shared one so that someone was just close enough to him to monitor him. Harry was standing on top of his and Zayn lounges out on he and Liam's Liam leaning over the back of it, Louis currently leaving his to tackle Niall. They all laughed and the last song started to play. Coincidentally, that last song for their set list was Midnight Memories, and he remembers laughing because most of the concerts ended at ten thirty to eleven. He guessed it was since fans all got home around twelve.

The song ended and Liam is always thankful he has this life at the end of a show. On this stage, sweaty and out of breathe, and feeling  _so alive_ , it's unbelievable. They all stood at the edge of the stage, arms tangled with another as they wrapped them around each others sides and bowed. They all walked off the stage, into the semi darkness that is backstage. Nothing is as bright and blinding as on stage- the contrast of the dark crowd with lights flashing, heavy work light above them illuminating the stage and stoplights directed upon them. 

Liam pulls the bandanna from his back pocket and wipes his faces with it. Louis tugs his shirt off and Harry smiles appreciatively before pulling Louis flush against him as he needily presses his lips against him. Louis smiles into the kiss and finally Niall looks up at them before fake gagging.

"Ugh, I swear, they are a fucking mess," Niall exclaims pulling Zayn and Liam with him to the bus. "PDA every damn time we are not in the public eye."

"I think that because they  _are_ in the public eye so much, that they display their love for each other as often as possible,"Josh says coming from seemingly no where, lacing his hand with Niall's. "Besides, we should thank them. If it wasn't for the speculation that they were together, we'd probably be like them."

Liam smiles at the two. He's always loved Louis and Harry, he does. Louis was his best friend and Harry was like his little brother to him. He was happy they were together. Niall and Josh though- they were the couple you wanted to hang out with. They showed affection when it felt proper and acted like best friends most of the time. They made Liam smile in the fondest of ways.

"What are you guys gonna do tonight," Zayn asks, looping his arm around Liam's waist. Liam blushes a bit but it isn't so detectable, blending in well with the rest of his flush face.

 "Probably stay in? Watch a movie or something," Josh said pressing a chaste kiss to Niall's temple. "And what about you two?"

"I'm actually taking Zayn out. We're gonna get dinner," Liam said pulling Zayn close so that Zayn tucked his head in his neck for a quick second.

"Liam thinks that I did a great job tonight after just getting out of the hospital and wanted to treat me," Zayn smiles and Liam smiles at Zayn.

"Hey, you did fantastic," Liam says squeezing Zayn's shoulders.

They all rounded a corner and Niall and Josh went in the opposite direction, towards the tour bus, whereas Liam and Zayn went to the car that was waiting just on the side of the venue. Two security people were waiting outside of the car, holding the door open as they climbed in. The door shut and Liam was left in the semi darkness with Zayn next to him.

Zayn's fingers brushed against Liam's thigh and Liam tried to not let his dick get the best of him. Zayn's fingers trailed around searching and Liam bit his lip and held his breathe until Zayn found his hand. He squeezed it, along with letting out his breath and gave Zayn what he hoped was a happy smile, and not the nervousness that he felt in his chest.

They arrived at the restaurant and the Maître d' lead them to a table and handed the menus. All of the boys have been to this particular restaurant, Liam and Zayn the most. It was their favourite place in the city. Liam glanced over the menu before deciding that yes, he wanted the linguini and clams with the red sauce  _not_ the white sauce. Zayn gets a lobster ravioli and oysters, which Liam makes a face at("What, they're good Liam, honestly." "No, they're boogers, that's what they are. Boogers in a shell.") and both of them ordering a Dr. Pepper, the waitress takes their menus and walks away only to come back a few seconds later with to cold bevs in her hands.

Liam takes a sip of his drink immediately, not looking at Zayn. B _e fucking cool, Liam. Zayn is still just your friend._

"Li?"

"Hm?"

"What if I was gay?"

Liam nearly chokes on his drink but, somehow, the liquid finds it's way back down the right pipeline and Liam swallows hard. " _Sorry?_ "

"I mean- it's hypothetical, but like- well, what if I was gay," Zayn says looking down at the white tablecloth.

Liam actually thinks before speaking for once. "Well, one, I wouldn't be angry with you- you can't control who you are attracted to. Two, I'd say you were getting married to the wrong gender, unless- you know- Perrie has a dick- which I also wouldn't judge you on," Zayn chuckled at that, " I mean you love who you love, right?

"Fact is, the way I feel about you know, isn't really going to change. It never will. You are my best friend, my band mate. together we make Ziam and all that shit, right," Liam said eyeing Zayn with a small smile. Zayn laughed out right at that.

"Yeah Liam, I'll ship Ziam before I ship me with anyone else," Zayn said smiling into his Dr. Pepper.

They made a bit more side conversations before the food came. Not eating for nearly four days sure did show when Zayn started to eat. he finished his food faster than Liam- he might have even giving Niall a run for his money- and even ordered a side salad. Liam watched amused as Zayn ate his food. He'd never seen Zayn eat with such gusto before- he guessed it was the iron pills and anti-depressants he took before taking the stage that night.

They ordered dessert- Liam getting a slice of torta caprese, Zayn getting a bocconotto. Liam also got an Italian hot chocolate upon Zayn's request.

"How is it? Good innit?" Zayn asked stuffing his face with the crumbly bocconotto as Liam took his first sip.

Liam licked his lips for rest over chocolate whipped cream that clung there. "It's... excellent," after the taste settled on his tongue. He took another sip. "It's like... it has this sort of spice but the right amount of chocolate to not have it be overwhelming-" another sip- "and it's _thick._ "

"Give it here then, let me have a sip," Zayn said reaching over the table for the little cup. Liam gave it Zayn who took a sip and gave it back to Liam. He watched as Zayn's tongue swiped across his lips to get the extra chocolate and whipped cream. "ugh, it's so good."

They stayed and chatted for a few minutes more before Liam paid the bill and they left, holding hands in the car as they headed towards the hotel. When they got to the hotel, they packed their bags and piled up on the bus, heading to the next city. Liam slept with Zayn in the bunk under him. The motion of the road and his iPod lead Liam to dreams filled with red sunrises and lips on tan skin giving him tender kisses on his neck as he and Zayn watch the sun, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be longer, but I feel good leaving it here.


End file.
